GUSOMANA UMUTI KUBAKUNDANA: DORE AMABANGA AKUBIYE MUGUSOMANA BIVUYE K’UMUTIMA NICYO BIFASHA.

Ubusobanuro Bwimbitse ku Kamaro ko Gusomana ku Bafitanye Urukundo: Impamvu Abashakanye Basomana Buri Munsi Bagira Umubano Ukomeye Kurushaho
Urukundo hagati y’abashakanye ni imwe mu nkingi z’ingenzi zubaka umuryango uhamye. Ariko uko imyaka igenda ishira, akenshi ibintu byari bisanzwe mu ntangiriro z’urukundo biragenda bigabanuka cyangwa bigahinduka nk’ibisanzwe bitagihabwa agaciro. Kimwe mu bintu bikunze kubaho cyane ni uko ibikorwa by’urukundo rugaragara nko gusomana, guhana ibiganza, cyangwa kwishimirana mu buryo bw’umubiri bigenda bigabanuka. Nyamara ubushakashatsi bwakozwe ku mibanire y’abashakanye b’igihe kirekire bwerekanye ko gusomana buri munsi bishobora kongera cyane ubusabane bw’amarangamutima hagati y’abashakanye ndetse bikagabanya n’umunaniro wo mu mutwe (stress).
Hari abantu benshi bashobora kubyumva bakabifata nk’ibidasanzwe cyangwa bikabatera gutekereza ko ari ibintu byoroheje bidafite akamaro kanini. Ariko ukuri ni uko gusomana atari igikorwa cy’urukundo gusa; ni igikorwa gifite ishingiro rikomeye mu mikorere y’ubwonko n’imisemburo (biology). Iyo abantu basomanye, mu mubiri wabo haba impinduka zikomeye zifasha kubaka no gukomeza umubano wabo.
Iyi nkuru irasesengura mu buryo bwimbitse impamvu gusomana ari ingenzi mu mibanire y’abashakanye, uburyo bigira ingaruka ku bwonko n’amarangamutima, impamvu bikomeza kuba ingenzi cyane cyane ku bashakanye bamaze imyaka myinshi bari kumwe, n’uko akamenyero gato ka buri munsi gashobora guhindura cyane umubano w’abashakanye.
1. Gusomana: Igikorwa cy’Urukundo gifite Ibisobanuro Birenze Ibyo Abantu Batekereza
Mu muco w’abantu benshi ku isi, gusomana ni ikimenyetso cy’urukundo n’ubusabane. Ariko mu by’ukuri, gusomana birenze kuba ikimenyetso cy’amarangamutima gusa. Ni uburyo umubiri w’abantu uvugana mu buryo bwihariye.
Iyo abantu basomanye, haba hari uburyo bwo kohereza ubutumwa bw’amarangamutima n’ubwiyumviro ku rundi ruhande. Ni nk’aho umubiri uba uvuga uti: “Ndi hafi yawe, ndakwiyumva, kandi ndakwizera.”
Ibi bituma abashakanye bagumana:
kumva bari hafi y’umuntu bakunda
kumva bafite umutekano mu mubano
kumva bashimishijwe no kuba bari kumwe
Iyo ibi bigenda bigabanuka mu mubano, akenshi abantu batangira kumva hari icyuho mu rukundo rwabo.
2. Uko Ubwonko Bukora Iyo Abantu Basomanye
Ubushakashatsi bw’abahanga mu by’imibanire n’imikorere y’ubwonko bwerekanye ko gusomana bitera impinduka zikomeye mu bwonko. Iyo umuntu asomanye n’uwo bakundana, ubwonko butangira kurekura imisemburo itandukanye ifasha umubiri n’amarangamutima gukora neza.
Muri iyo misemburo harimo:
Dopamine – Imisemburo y’Ibyishimo
Dopamine ni imisemburo ifasha umuntu kumva yishimye kandi afite umunezero. Iyo abantu basomanye, ubwonko butangira kurekura dopamine ku rwego rwo hejuru.
Ibi bituma:
umuntu yumva yishimye
agira umunezero wo kuba hamwe n’uwo bakundana
akomeza kwifuza kumarana igihe n’uwo muntu
Ni nayo mpamvu gusomana bishobora gutuma abantu bumva bishimiye cyane umubano wabo.
Oxytocin – Imisemburo y’Ubusabane
Oxytocin ikunze kwitwa “imisemburo y’urukundo” cyangwa “imisemburo y’ubusabane”.
Iyo imisemburo ya oxytocin yiyongereye mu mubiri:
abantu barushaho kwizera uwo bakundana
bagira amarangamutima akomeye yo kuba hafi y’uwo muntu
bagira umutekano mu mubano
Ibi bituma umubano w’abashakanye ukomera kurushaho.
Kugabanya Stress
Ikindi kintu cyagaragaye ni uko gusomana bigabanya umunaniro wo mu mutwe (stress). Iyo abantu basomanye, imisemburo ituma umuntu agira ubwoba cyangwa agahagarika umutima igabanuka.
Ibi bituma:
umutima utera neza
ubwonko bugira ituze
umuntu yumva aruhutse
Mu buzima bwa buri munsi, aho abantu bahura n’ibibazo byinshi, gusomana bishobora kuba uburyo bworoshye bwo kugarura ituze mu mubano.
3. Impamvu Urukundo rw’Umubiri Rugenda Rugabanuka Mu Bashakanye Bamaze Igihe Kinini
Abashakanye benshi bamaze imyaka 20, 30 cyangwa 40 bari kumwe bavuga ko mu ntangiriro z’urukundo rwabo ibintu byinshi byari byoroshye.
Hari:
gusomana kenshi
guhana ibiganza
kugirana ibihe by’urukundo kenshi
Ariko uko imyaka igenda ishira, ibintu byinshi bihinduka.
Impamvu zibitera harimo:
akazi kenshi
kurera abana
guhangana n’ibibazo by’ubuzima
kumenyera cyane uwo mubana
Ibi bituma ibikorwa by’urukundo bigenda bigabanuka buhoro buhoro.
Ikibazo ni uko iyo ibi bigabanutse cyane, bishobora gutuma abashakanye bumva:
batakiri hafi nk’uko byari bimeze mbere
amarangamutima yabo atakiri akomeye
umubano uhinduka nk’inshingano aho kuba urukundo
4. Akamaro k’Imigenzo mito ya Buri Munsi mu Mubano
Ubushakashatsi bwerekanye ko imigenzo mito y’urukundo ya buri munsi igira uruhare runini mu gukomeza umubano.
Urugero rw’iyo migenzo ni:
gusomana mu gitondo mbere yo kujya ku kazi
gusomana igihe mwongeye guhura
gusomana mbere yo kuryama
Nubwo ibi bisa nk’ibintu byoroheje, bigira ingaruka zikomeye mu mubano.
Ubushakashatsi bumwe bwerekanye ko abashakanye bakomeza ibikorwa by’urukundo bya buri munsi bashobora kongera gushimishwa n’umubano wabo kugera kuri 40% ugereranyije n’abatabikora.
Ibi byerekana ko umubano udashingira ku bintu bikomeye gusa nk’ingendo z’urukundo cyangwa impano zihenze, ahubwo ushobora gukomera kubera ibikorwa bito ariko bikozwe buri gihe.
5. Impamvu Ibi Biba Ingenzi Cyane ku Bagore Bari Hejuru y’Imyaka 50
Iyo abantu bageze mu myaka irenga 50, ibintu byinshi mu mubano wabo birahinduka.
Ku bagore benshi muri iyi myaka:
ubusabane bw’amarangamutima buba ingenzi cyane
kumva bashyigikiwe n’uwo bashakanye biba by’ingenzi
umutekano mu mubano uba ari ingenzi kuruta ibintu bishya
Gusomana buri munsi bishobora gufasha cyane muri iki cyiciro cy’ubuzima kuko:
bituma umugore yumva akunzwe
bituma yumva agifite agaciro mu mubano
bituma amarangamutima akomeza gukomera
Ni yo mpamvu abahanga mu by’imibanire bavuga ko ibikorwa by’urukundo bito biba ingenzi cyane uko imyaka igenda ishira.
6. Impamvu Ibikorwa Bito Bishobora Guhindura Umubano
Hari abantu benshi batekereza ko gukomeza urukundo bisaba ibintu bikomeye cyane nko:
ingendo zihenze
impano zihenze
ibirori by’urukundo
Ariko ukuri ni uko ibikorwa bito bikozwe kenshi aribyo bigira ingaruka zikomeye.
Iyo abashakanye:
basomanye buri munsi
baganira neza
bagira igihe cyo kuba hamwe
umubano wabo urushaho gukomera.
Ni nk’ukwubaka inzu: amatafari mato mato niyo yubaka inzu nini.
7. Icyo Abashakanye Bamaze Imyaka Myinshi Bashobora Kwibutsa
Ku bashakanye bamaze imyaka myinshi bari kumwe, hari igihe bashobora kumva ko urukundo rwabo rutagifite imbaraga nk’izo rwari rufite mbere.
Ariko ukuri ni uko akenshi ikibazo atari ukubura urukundo; ahubwo ni ukubura akamenyero ko kugaragaza urwo rukundo.
Gusubira ku bikorwa byoroshye nko:
gusomana
guhana ibiganza
kuvugana amagambo meza
bishobora kongera imbaraga mu mubano.
8. Icyo Ubushakashatsi Bwerekana ku Bashakanye Basomana Buri Munsi
Abashakashatsi bakoze ubushakashatsi ku bashakanye bamaze imyaka myinshi babana basanze ko:
abashakanye basomana buri munsi bafite ubusabane bukomeye
bagira umunezero mwinshi mu mubano
bagira stress nke
Ugereranyije n’abadakora ibyo bikorwa.
Ibi byerekana ko gusomana atari ikintu gito nk’uko bamwe babitekereza.
9. Inama ku Bashakanye Bashaka Kongera Imbaraga mu Mubano Wabo
Abahanga mu by’imibanire batanga inama zoroshye abashakanye bashobora gukoresha:
Gushyira imbere ibikorwa by’urukundo bya buri munsi.
Kudategereza ibihe bidasanzwe kugira ngo mugaragaze urukundo.
Kwibuka ko ibikorwa bito bishobora kugira ingaruka zikomeye.
Gushyira imbere igihe cyo kuba hamwe.
Iyo ibi bikorwa, umubano ushobora gukomera cyane.
10. Umusozo: Akamenyero gato gashobora guhindura byinshi
Mu buzima bw’abashakanye, hari igihe abantu bashaka ibisubizo bikomeye ku bibazo by’umubano wabo.
Ariko rimwe na rimwe igisubizo kiba cyoroshye kuruta uko babitekereza.
Gusomana buri munsi bishobora kuba akamenyero gato ariko gafite imbaraga zo:
kongera ubusabane
kugabanya stress
gukomeza urukundo
Ku bashakanye bamaze imyaka myinshi bari kumwe, bishobora kuba itandukaniro riri hagati yo kugenda mutandukana buhoro buhoro no gukomeza gukundana cyane.
Rimwe na rimwe rero, urukundo ntirukenera ibintu bikomeye cyane.
Rukenera gusa akamenyero gato kagaragaza ko mukiri hafi y’umuntu mukunda.