Mu mubano w’urukundo, intimacy (imibonano n’ukwiyegereza ku mubiri no ku mutima) ni kimwe mu bice by’ingenzi bituma urukundo rukura kandi rukomera. Ariko hari igihe umugabo ashobora gutekereza ko ibintu bigenda neza, nyamara mugenzi we atari kunyurwa uko bikwiye.
Iyi nkuru irasesengura mu buryo bwimbitse ibimenyetso 7 bishobora kwerekana ko utari kumunyura mu buryo bw’imbere mu mubano, isobanura impamvu zishoboka n’icyo wakora kugira ngo mubane neza kurushaho. Intego si ugucira urubanza, ahubwo ni ugufasha gusobanukirwa no gukura mu rukundo.
1. Ahora “Ananiwe” Iyo Bigeze ku Mibonano
Niba buri gihe iyo ugerageje gutangira intimacy agusubiza ko ananiwe, arwaye umutwe, cyangwa afite byinshi byo gukora, bishobora kuba birenze umunaniro usanzwe.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Nibyo, abagore bashobora kunanirwa kubera akazi, kurera abana, cyangwa stress. Ariko iyo byabaye umuco uhoraho, bishobora kuba ari ikimenyetso cy’uko:
Atakinyurwa mu mibonano.
Atakibona nk’ikintu kimushimisha.
Hari ikibazo cy’amarangamutima hagati yanyu.
Iyo umugore yumva anyuzwe kandi yubahwa, intimacy si umutwaro ahubwo iba umwanya wo kuruhuka no kwegerana.
Icyo Wakora
Muganire ku buryo butuje, utamushinja.
Mumenye niba hari stress cyangwa ibibazo byo hanze bimuremereye.
Tangira wubake connection yo ku mutima mbere yo gutekereza ku mubiri.
2. Ntagaragaza Reaction cyangwa Engagement
Niba mu gihe cy’imibonano ahora aryamye gusa, nta reaction, nta mvugo, nta gukorana nawe – bishobora kwerekana ko atari kuyishimira.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Intimacy ni ubufatanye, si igikorwa cy’umuntu umwe. Iyo umugore atari kunyurwa:
Ashobora kwiyumvamo ko ari “igikorwa cyo kurangiza gusa”.
Ashobora kuba atabasha kuvuga ko hari ibyo atishimira.
Ashobora kuba yaracitse intege nyuma yo kugerageza kubivuga ntibyumvwe.
Icyo Wakora
Wige kumenya body language ye.
Mubaze icyo akunda n’icyo atishimira.
Shyira imbere kumwumva aho kwihutira kurangiza.
3. Buri Gihe Birangira Vuba Kandi Byihuse
Niba intimacy ihora irangira mu buryo bwihuse kandi igamije gusa kunyurwa kwawe, bishobora gutuma yumva atitabwaho.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Abagore benshi bakenera:
Igihe gihagije.
Emotional buildup.
Kwitabwaho mbere, hagati na nyuma.
Iyo ibintu bihora byihuta, bishobora kumutera kumva ari nk’igikoresho, atari umufatanyabikorwa.
Icyo Wakora
Shyira imbere igihe cyo kwitegura (foreplay).
Witondere ibimenyetso byerekana ko yiteguye.
Tekereza ku kunyurwa kwe nk’intego imwe n’iyawe.
4. Ntajya Atangira Intimacy
Iyo umugore yishimira imibonano, rimwe na rimwe ni we uyitangiza. Niba atabikora na rimwe, bishobora kuba ari ikimenyetso.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Kutayitangiza bishobora guterwa n’uko:
Atabyishimira bihagije.
Yumva ko atazumvwa.
Hari icyuho mu mubano wanyu.
Ariko kandi bishobora no guterwa n’uburere cyangwa imico yamwigishije ko atagomba kubigaragaza. Ni ngombwa kubanza kubisesengura neza.
Icyo Wakora
Mubwire ko wishimira igihe na we atangira.
Umuhe umutekano wo kuvuga ibyo atekereza.
Mubake umuco wo kuganira ku byanyu nta soni.
5. Yirinda Eye Contact na Cuddling Nyuma
Nyuma y’imibonano, niba nta kuganira, nta kwegerana, nta kumva mushyize hamwe – bishobora kuba hari ikintu kibura.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Ku bagore benshi, intimacy si igikorwa cy’umubiri gusa; ni igikorwa cy’amarangamutima. Iyo nyuma habuze:
Guhoberana
Kuvugana
Gukomeza kwegerana
Ashobora kumva atitaweho cyangwa akoreshwa gusa.
Icyo Wakora
Fata umwanya wo kuganira nyuma.
Mwereke urukundo no kumushimira.
Mwereke ko atari igikoresho cyo kunyurwa gusa.
6. NIWE URANGIZA VUBA
Niba ahitamo ko biba bigufi kandi byihuse, yirinda igihe kirekire cyo kwegerana, bishobora kuba atifuza igihe kirekire kuko atari kunyurwa.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Iyo umuntu adashimishwa n’igikorwa, ashaka ko kirangira vuba. Ibi bishobora kuba:
Nta connection ihagije ihari.
Nta kunyurwa ku rwego rwe.
Yumva atumva cyangwa atubahirizwa.
Icyo Wakora
Muganire ku cyo akunda.
Mubaze uko yumva ameze muri iyo mibonano.
Wige kumenya uko umubiri we ukora n’uko anyurwa.
7. Ntacyakubwira ku Byo Akunda
Iyo umugore aretse kukubwira ibyo akunda, ibyo atishimira, cyangwa uko yumva ameze, bishobora kuba yarageze aho yumva ko kuvuga ntacyo bihindura.
Ibisobanuro Byimbitse
Communication ni inkingi y’umubano mwiza. Iyo ihagaze:
Ibyishimo biragabanuka.
Kwizerana kuracika.
Intimacy igahinduka igikorwa gisanzwe kitagira ubujyakuzimu.
Icyo Wakora
Mwereke ko witeguye kumwumva nta kumucira urubanza.
Mwubake umwanya wo kuganira ku byanyu mu bwisanzure.
Emeza ibyo akubwira aho kubifata nk’igitutsi.
Umwanzuro: Intimacy Nziza Ihera ku Kumva no Kuganira
Nta mubano uba utunganye 100%. Ariko itandukaniro riri hagati y’umubano ukura n’ugenda usenyuka rishingira ku bushake bwo kumva no guhinduka.
Iyo ubona bimwe muri ibi bimenyetso:
Ntugahite umushinja.
Ntukabifate nk’igitero ku bushobozi bwawe.
Bifate nk’amahirwe yo gukura no kunoza urukundo rwanyu.
Urukundo rwiza si irwo kuryamana gusa, ni urwo kumva, kubaha, no gufasha mugenzi wawe kumva yishimye kandi afite agaciro.
Iyo mwubakiye intimacy ku bwubahane, communication no kwitaho, si gusa mubona ibyishimo mu buriri, ahubwo mubona n’umubano urambye kandi wimbitse mu buzima bwose.
