Mu buzima bw’urukundo, guhemukirwa ni kimwe mu bintu bibabaza cyane umuntu ashobora kunyuramo. Iyo umuntu ukunda aguca inyuma, amarangamutima aravanga: uburakari, agahinda, kwibaza ibibazo byinshi, ndetse rimwe na rimwe n’icyifuzo cyo kwihorera. Ariko uko umuntu abyitwaramo ni byo bigena niba azasigara yangiritse kurushaho cyangwa niba ashobora kongera kubaka ubuzima bwe mu buryo bwiza.
Iyi nkuru irasesengura uburyo umuntu yakwitwara nyuma yo kumenya ko uwo bakundana yamuciye inyuma. Intego si uguhana umuntu, ahubwo ni ugufata ibyemezo bifasha kubungabunga icyubahiro cyawe, ubuzima bwawe bwo mu mutwe, n’ejo hazaza hawe.
1. Kubanza kugenzura amarangamutima yawe
Iyo umuntu akubwiye ko umukunzi wawe yaguciye inyuma, cyangwa ubibonye ubwawe, igisubizo cya mbere akenshi kiba uburakari bukomeye. Hari abantu bahita bashaka kurwana, gutuka, cyangwa guhita bashaka kwihorera. Ibi ni ibisanzwe ku mutima w’umuntu, ariko si byo bigufasha.
Icy’ingenzi mbere na mbere ni gufata umwanya ugahumeka, ukirinda gukora ibintu uzicuza nyuma.
Hari ibintu bikomeye ugomba kwirinda muri icyo gihe:
Gukubita cyangwa gukomeretsa
Gutera ubwoba cyangwa gutukana
Kumukoza isoni mu ruhame
Kwihutira gufata imyanzuro ikomeye uri mu burakari
Impamvu ari ingenzi kubyirinda ni uko iyo umuntu akora ibintu nk’ibi aba atari gukemura ikibazo ahubwo aba ari kwiyongerera ibindi bibazo: amategeko ashobora kumuhana, ashobora kwangiza izina rye, cyangwa se akangiza burundu amahirwe yo gukemura ikibazo mu mahoro.
Gufata umwanya ntibivuze ko wemeye ibyabaye. Bivuze ko ushaka kubanza gutuza mbere yo gufata icyemezo.
Abantu benshi bageze mu bibazo bikomeye mu buzima kubera icyemezo bafashe mu masegonda make y’uburakari.
2. Gusaba ukuri kose mu buryo butuje
Nyuma yo gutuza gato, niba wumva ushobora gukomeza kuganira n’uwo muntu, ni byiza kugerageza kumva neza ibyabaye.
Ikintu cya mbere ugomba kumenya ni ukuri nyakuri. Ibi birimo ibibazo nk’ibi:
Ese byari amarangamutima gusa cyangwa byageze ku mubiri?
Byabaye rimwe gusa cyangwa byari ibintu bimaze igihe?
Ese ni we wabishatse cyangwa hari ibindi byabigizemo uruhare?
Ese aricuza koko cyangwa arimo kwirwanaho gusa?
Uburyo umuntu asubiza ibi bibazo bivuga byinshi kurusha amakosa yakoze.
Hari abantu bakoze amakosa ariko bakabasha kwemera ukuri, bagasaba imbabazi, kandi bakerekana ko bashaka guhinduka. Hari n’abandi bahita bashaka:
Gushinja mugenzi wabo
Guhisha amakuru
Kugabanya uburemere bw’ikosa
Kuvuga ko “ntacyo bivuze”
Iyo umuntu atabasha kwemera amakosa ye, biragorana cyane kongera kubaka icyizere.
Ni ngombwa kuganira mu buryo butuje. Nubwo waba ubabaye, kuganira mu mahoro bituma ubona ukuri kurushaho.
3. Gushyiraho imipaka idacungwa
Niba nyuma yo kuganira wumva wifuza kugerageza kongera kubaka urukundo rwanyu, ntibishoboka kubikora nta mategeko mashya.
Kwizerana kwangiritse bisaba imipaka isobanutse.
Bimwe mu bintu abantu benshi bashyiraho harimo:
Kureka burundu kuvugana n’uwo muntu wa gatatu
Niba uwo mukunzi akomeza kuvugana n’uwo baguciye inyuma hamwe, ntibishoboka kongera kubaka icyizere.
Kugaragaza ubunyangamugayo mu gihe runaka
Ibi bishobora kuba nko gusangira amakuru ku byo akora, aho ari, cyangwa kugerageza kwirinda ibintu byatera amakenga.
Kujya mu nama z’ababigize umwuga (counseling)
Hari igihe umubano uba ufite ibibazo byari bisanzweho mbere. Umujyanama ashobora gufasha kumenya aho ikibazo cyatangiriye no gushaka ibisubizo.
Ingaruka zisobanutse niba byongera kubaho
Ni ingenzi ko buri wese amenya ko hari umurongo utagomba kurengwa.
Ibi ntibiba ari ugucunga umuntu nk’umwana, ahubwo ni kubaka sisiteme ifasha kongera icyizere cyasenyutse.
4. Guhindura uburyo bw’umubano aho gutesha umuntu agaciro
Hari abantu bumva ko bagomba “guhana” uwo bakundana. Mu by’ukuri, mu mubano w’abantu bakuru, ijambo guhana si ryo rikwiye.
Ahubwo icyumvikana ni guhindura uburyo umuntu abona ubuzima bwawe.
Urugero:
Kugabanya igihe mumarana niba utarabasha kongera kumwizera
Gufata umwanya wawe wo kwitekerezaho
Kudahita usubira ku rwego mwariho mbere
Gutuma amenya ko icyizere kigomba kongera kubakwa buhoro buhoro
Ibi bikorwa utabanje kumutuka cyangwa kumutesha agaciro.
Kubaha umuntu nubwo yagukoshereje bituma nawe usigara ufite agaciro kawe.
Hari abantu benshi bagerageza kwihorera mu buryo bwo gutesha agaciro uwo bakundanaga, ariko nyuma bagasanga ari bo byangije cyane.
5. Kwitegereza ibikorwa aho kwizera amagambo
Iyo umuntu afashwe mu ikosa, amagambo aba menshi. Ashobora kurira, gusaba imbabazi, cyangwa kuvuga ko bitazongera kubaho.
Ariko mu by’ukuri, icy’ingenzi si amagambo.
Ibikorwa ni byo byerekana ukuri.
Ibimenyetso by’ukwicuza nyako bishobora kuba ibi:
Kwemera amakosa nta rwitwazo
Kutagushyiraho igitutu ngo uhite ubabarira
Guhindura imyitwarire
Kwirinda ibintu byateje ikibazo mbere
Kugira patience mu gihe ugerageza gukira ibikomere
Ariko niba ubona ibi bikurikira, ni ibimenyetso byo kwitondera:
Gushinja wowe ibyabaye
Kuvuga ko ubikabya
Guhisha amakuru
Kurakara iyo ubajije ibibazo
Iyo umuntu atiteguye gufata inshingano, kongera kubaka umubano biragorana cyane.
6. Kwemera ko ushobora no kugenda
Rimwe na rimwe abantu baguma mu mubano kubera:
Gutinya kuba bonyine
Igihe kinini bamaze hamwe
Icyo abandi bazavuga
Ubukungu cyangwa abana
Ariko ukuri ni uko urukundo rutagomba kubaho rushingiye ku bwoba.
Imwe mu mbaraga zikomeye umuntu agira ni kumenya ko ashobora kugenda mu mutuzo.
Kugenda ntibivuze gutsindwa. Hari igihe biba ari cyo cyemezo kirinda umutima wawe n’ubuzima bwawe bw’ejo hazaza.
Hari abantu benshi bagumye mu mubano ubababaza imyaka myinshi kubera gutinya gufata icyemezo gikomeye.
Iyo umuntu yihaye agaciro, abasha no kuvuga ati:
“Ndagukunda, ariko sinemera kubaho mu buryo bunyangiza.”
Umusozo
Guhemukirwa mu rukundo ni ikintu gikomeye gishobora guhungabanya cyane ubuzima bw’umuntu. Ariko uburyo umuntu abyitwaramo ni bwo bugena niba azasohoka muri icyo kibazo yarushijeho gukomera cyangwa yarushijeho kwangirika.
Ibintu by’ingenzi umuntu agomba kwibuka ni ibi:
Ntugafate icyemezo uri mu burakari
Shaka kumenya ukuri kose
Shyiraho imipaka isobanutse
Wubahe wowe ubwawe n’uwo muvugana
Reba ibikorwa aho kwizera amagambo
Kandi wemere ko kugenda bishobora kuba amahitamo meza
Urukundo rwiza rugomba kuba rufite icyizere, kubahana, n’ukuri. Iyo ibyo byabuze, birasaba imbaraga n’ubushishozi kugira ngo hafatwe icyemezo gikwiye.
Icy’ingenzi kuruta ibindi byose ni ukubungabunga agaciro kawe n’ubuzima bwawe bwo mu mutwe. Nubwo ibikomere bishobora gufata igihe kugira ngo bikire, umuntu ushaka kubaho neza ashobora kubigeraho iyo afashe ibyemezo bituje kandi bifite intego.
